5 Alternative Gifts Your Mother Might Not Like (Or Expect)

You could get her flowers. You could get her a nice card. You could get up REALLY early and make her breakfast in bed. You could even take cooking classes first to make sure it comes out all-right.

But when did she ever buy anything nice for you? Get your revenge for all those time-outs you got way back when with these strange and insulting gag gifts.

1.  Chocolate Bar Calculator

She's going to be getting a lot of chocolate on Mother's Day.  Knowing her, she's probably going to be eating it all on Mother's Day as well. So why not make her regret it? Now she can calculate how many calories she's taking in, how much weight she's gaining, and how many situps she'll gave to do to work it all off! It's not like she can just ignore it. After all, it does taste like chocolate.

2. Chocolate Doo Drops

Speaking of chocolate, why not be nice after giving her the calculator and let her have something she really wants? Because giving her poop-shaped chocolate would be much more hilarious. Every pet owner has to deal with these dastardly droppings every day. Why not make dear old mother think of them every time she eats chocolate?

3. Spider Purse

You know all those sweaters she got you, and you HAD to wear them, just because she made or bought them for you. This is where the spider purse comes in handy. At first, she'll use it, ignoring the obvious creepy factor. It's fuzzy, cuddly and adorable! Soon she'll forget about it. Then, at some terribly timed moment, she'll feel it bump into her, and the first glance will create a response you'll never forget. But look at the bright side -- who would ever steal a purse that looked like that?

4. Toilet Bowl Lip Gloss

Well, this is strange. Whether or not she wants lip gloss for Mother's Day, she doesn't want this. Not only is the user forced to apply the contents of a toilet to their lips, but they also come in flavors. I hope there's no mystery flavor.

5. The Eviltron

It looks unassuming, passive and irrelevant. It looks normal, just one of those pieces of technology that makes stuff work as long as you don't mess with it. It's incredibly easy to hide, and likewise incredibly hard to find. But still, harmless, right? Not when it produces incredibly evil sounds randomly for up to a month. Creaking, scratching, breathing, laughing and "hey, can you hear me" will be played and repeated invisibly until she goes completely bonkers. Even more insidious when paired with "No, I don't hear that".